May 5, 2009

Trading Bronte for Bloodsuckers

(Maybe Charlotte would've been dazzled by Edward too!)

I can totally relate to Kate Wattus's all-too familiar tale of being a sane adult getting sucked into the Twilight phenomena:
I EXPECTED motherhood to challenge me physically. And emotionally. I suspected it would try my patience, test my courage and ruin my cleavage. But I never imagined it would affect my taste in literature.

At uni I was on a strict diet of Bronte and Baynton, Hardy and Huxley. I could proudly display the dust jacket of my chosen read, knowing that I looked the picture of literary sophistication.

That was until Edward Cullen entered my life.

My relationship with the heroic vampire of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series began on a strictly need-to-know basis. I needed to know what was keeping my daughter occupied in her room for endless hours.

"Do you think we should let her read it?" I pondered to my beloved, moments after Miss Ten had revealed she had demolished half the book.

"It's probably a little late for that," he offered.

So I did what any responsible parent who had made an iffy call would do. I made a flat white and hoped the issue would vanish without parental intervention.

"You're letting her what?!" inquired my librarian mother-in-law over Christmas Day cold cuts and bon bons.

I laughed nervously, "It's not like I can censor her reading material."

"I've heard it's very sexual," she replied.

Discovering what my 10-year-old had been exposed to was the only noble solution. I would have to join the unwashed mass of readers - 40 million of them - and endure a spot of teen vampire romance. I was prepared to suffer what was necessary to pay penance for my crimes against motherhood.

Predictably, I too ended up yearning for Mr Cullen. I took him to bed with me, in to the car and just about any place the opportunity for a little quality time might arise. The text burned so little cognitive energy that I could read a chapter or two in the presence of Miss Three.

And I couldn't get enough. "I'm just reading it to supervise my 10-year-old," I said whenever sprung without the War And Peace dust jacket to cover my dirty secret. I rolled my eyes in mock irritation but the only irritation was being distracted from my bloodsucker.

Several months and four books later, I've conceded defeat. I'm lumping my bestseller bias into the same heap of inevitability as my lacklustre cleavage. I'll put Bronte on the back burner until the kids move out.
Source: It's bye-bye Bronte, hello bloodsucker

12 comments:

  1. Bravo!
    Bravo!
    Well written and so very true.

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  2. So funny =) !
    Maybe someday i'll relate but im turning 19 on Monday so I dont think i'm close yet
    Great blog :]

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  3. Thank You! My feelings exactly....except, I have two teenage sons and DH who think I have LOST IT! LOL

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  4. that is so great. I wasn't going to read them either b/c i though it was too juvenile (besides the fact that I;m only 20 and i'd just finished wit Harry potter), but i couldn't put them down once I started.

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  5. I don't even have kids for an excuse! I picked up twilight for an easy read on a flight to LA. I was finished by the time we landed, and bought (and almost finished) new moon for the flight home to Boston. I remember the guy next to me couldn't believe I didn't even get up to go to the bathroom. LOL. I bought the other two the next day, and the rest is history.

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  6. Haha! Well written. I am a mother of college and high school kids completely hooked after seeing the movie with my daughters. Just wait til you start on the fanfiction!!! It's a great answer to not being ready to be leave the saga. I'm completely hooked on several! It takes some getting used to so keep your mind open.....try for starters: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3908456 the fairytale continues trilogy

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  7. Oh, I haven't laughed in so long about this subject! I am a mother to a 12 year old girl who begged and begged to see the movie. My husband and I watched it first to make sure she was mature enough to sit through it and I was hooked! That kiss scene...sigh...most romantic I have ever seen! Needless to say I immediately went out and bought all 4 books and read them all in 2 weeks. I'm starting on them again for the 3rd time :). Thanks so much for assuaging some of my guilt!

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  8. That story may just represent many moms/wives that are now Twilighters (or Twihard depending on your level of obsessing). All my friends and family who have NOT read the books or seen the movie think I'm nuts, but I know you all get it and that's comforting. ;P

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  9. That's hilarious LOL! Before falling in love with Edward Cullen, I fell in love with another Edward, Mr. Rochester. I too love me some Bronte oh and Jane Austin. This just proves that if it's a good book, then you won't be able to put it down. And it doesn't help that Stephenie carefully inserts crack into each page, LOL!

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  10. So True! I am in my mid thirties and a Single mother of one and I couldnt get enough of Edward Cullen...finally finding my perfect guy!LOL I have read all 4 books twice "Breaking Dawn" my favorite but i believe that one is not for tweens....But i believe the Saga opened me up to finding myself and what was in my own inmagination and somehow has changed me. I felt so guilty for being obsessed but i am less now that i know i am not the only one...LOL

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  11. So True! I am in my mid thirties and a Single mother of one and I couldnt get enough of Edward Cullen...finally finding my perfect guy!LOL I have read all 4 books twice "Breaking Dawn" my favorite but i believe that one is not for tweens....But i believe the Saga opened me up to finding myself and what was in my own inmagination and somehow has changed me. I felt so guilty for being obsessed but i am less now that i know i am not the only one...LOL

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