January 8, 2009

Robert Pattinson is Not Hot and could one day be Poofy 'n' Pasty, according to some dude

Well, I guess I can understand Rob's lack of appeal to men! But what if Rob does becomes poofy 'n' pasty one day and our future kids make fun of us old farts for thinking he was cute, the way we can't fathom our mothers' obsession over David Cassidy (who?). This blog post is hilarious. Reposted from E!Online's Ted Casablanca's Morning Piss:

OK, he's doable, but not that doable. If Rob Pattinson had half the heat the naughtier vampire boys in the mega nonsexual, Mormon-authored franchise Twilight had (Taylor Lautner, Kellan Lutz, Cam Gigandet, hello!), I'd understand all the slobbering, Kristen Stewart included.

But can't ya just see Robby in five years poofy 'n' pasty like Brendan Fraser? OK, maybe that's an exaggeration, as even Brendan took it back off after packing it on, but look, Bobby baby does like to throw 'em back, so that's the bloated road he's headed for, just warnin' y'all.

Also, I love perpetual horniness as much as the next orgasm-starved babe out there, but I just can't see panting—unrequitedly—for Edward for the next 265 installments the Twilight producers are so clearly planning. Harry Potter will be nothing next to this incorporated teen fest!

That said, can we please get Rob to hit the bench press, lay off the booze and perhaps utilize a facial expression or two? Is that so much to ask?

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